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This guy goes skydiving for the first time. After he jumps out of the plane, he counts to ten, pulls the ripcord, and nothing happens. Only a little worried, he pulls the cord for the auxiliary parachute, but unfortunately, the chute still does not appear. As he is plummeting toward the Earth, he sees a woman coming up the other way. He shouts to her "Do you know anything about parachutes?" "No", she says, "do you know anything about gas stoves?"
Note: This is one of many funny texts and jokes that were emailed to me, and collected over many years. Without exception, they had come through a large chain of people, and were each completely untraceable. Because of this, I have taken them to be public property, and shared them with you on this site.